Ever After

In the beginning it didn't matter,
Now I couldn't be sadder.
When I thought you were gay,
Everything was okay,
Not anymore, Today

---Cause---

You drive me insane,
But I hold on despite the pain.
You ended my laughter,
So much for my ever after.

I know you're no good,
I'd forget you if only I could.
When you left with no goodbye,
It turned my life into a lie,
Almost felt like I'd die.

---Cause---

You drive me insane,
Yet I hold on despite the pain.
you end my laughter,
So much for my ever after

It's been so long,
Since you've been gone.
I'm winning the fight,
But I still can't see the light,
You left a never ending night.

( slows down drawn out)
---Because---

You drive me insane,
But I will let go despite the pain.
I'm moving on to a greener pasture,
So I can have an ever after.

I don't want you,
I found someone new.
You're not the one I'll kiss,
You're not the one I'll miss,
Goodbye forever ______.

(quietly,fading out)

You use to drive me insane,
Then I let go of the pain.
And moved on to a new chapter,
In a happy ever after.

Bet...

I made a bet a while back and seeing as I am almost regaining my sanity the qualifications set for this bet to take effect have been met. Damn. So if that Prince Charming guy I liked was single and I was single and my friend had a boyfriend (all these things happening at the same time, no way), but now apparently they have and i will have to ask this guy in which I do not even see at all anymore to (to be blunt) screw me. So I am not going to text or call because it brings it right up to rejection. I have decided if the fates set this all up then they can go a little further...and then the next time I meet with him in person somewhere, I will ask him to his face, hopefully I will be extremely drunk (He probably will be). Hopefully. It will be less embarrassing then. When/if I ever do this I am going to feel like such a creeper, I really do not want to do it.

Christmas SUCKS!!!!!

Fuck it, I can be the grinch.

Laugh If You Want (not like I'll know)

"Though lovers be lost love shall not."
Dylan Thomas

I have lost undeniably, but it shouldn't matter. It shouldn't be like this. I hardly knew him and yet...he is gone. I am nothing to him and never was, never will, though I still feel the loss. A dull hollow ache that makes me feel empty inside. Sadness befalls me at his thought and my eyes start to tear, yet I never cry. In his presence he made life more than what it is; more lively, more exciting, just more. Then he left. His illusions faded and I was left in tedium. I seeked him out in my mind to help me get by but it only made it worse. I griped him tightly. However, the grip faltered and fell with time. Holding hope still hurts, but reality is dawning. I see a glimpse of light, then the lunar ecipse plunges my world into night. He tortures me with his appearence and leaves me in renewed agony. I am left wading through a shallow pool whose tides rise and fall in anger and misery, seeking release because it is impossible to drown in its depths.

Really bad attempt at poetic writing.(ewwwkkkeeek) Scattered metaphors and overdramatized.Sorry.

Love Is Creepy! (I have proof)

Wuthering Heights
Emily Bronte

"1. When Cathy marries Edgar "Girly-Boy" Linton instead of him, Heathcliff vows to take revenge on Edgar and his family ( because obviously Cathy had nothing to with it. Ahem). Heathcliff sees his opportunity when he finds out Edgar's sister has a mad crush on him. He quickly seduces her, strangles her little dog just because that's how dating went back in those days (or maybe I misunderstood), and starts treating her like a servant the instant he marries her. Good times.

2.When the son of that union turns out to be even more sickly and whiny and incredably annoying than even his Uncle Edgar, Heathcliff basically torments the boy into an early grave(although frankly, we can't blame him for that. Heathcliff's son could possibly be the most irritating character in all of literature).

3.Speaking of graves, when Cathy dies, Heathcliff tries to dig up her body so he can sleep next to it all night. And he tells himself that if he wakes up and finds her stiff and cold, he'll just pretend it's because the wind is particularly icy that night. Ewww. Let's leave the body where it is, shall we, lover boy?"
-A New Dawn by Ellen Hopkins
Page 143

Review any love song or romance novel and if you really listen and look, you will find creepy stalker loser men or obsessive creepy stalker women in them. Def Leopard... thanks but I do not really want you to always be two steps behind. EVERYWHERE I GO!(Think about it).

Empty

"The dark feelings you hold inside only attract more of their kind."
-Courtney Elizabeth Sater

I want something to happen. I am stuck again and I can't help but to be overwhelmed by the sticky plague of depression. The more I struggle to find delight in my days the more I am stuck and waves of emptiness wash over me. I want to find a meaning for everything or at least something interesting to do, something different than what I do every other day. You can only hang out with friends at night and drink 4 times before it loses any kind excitement. Parties are boring. Game-nights are just a clever disguise for more drinking, and school and work are just tedious unwanted tasks. I want an adventure. I want to vandalize those cars in front of my house that have took my parking space and my sisters. Tacks, a bat, sticky gunk on the windows, peanut butter, a permenant marker, a car pen, a tow truck, a crappier car that I wouldnt mind totaling, are all too tempting ideas that I wish I were brave enough to do or at least I wish I had the supplies so that I could do it or try to. Keep it real, I am tired of writing to no one and honestly I can not think single thought at the momment, my mind is blank, empty. Just like me.

Mommentum

Alan Cohen:
"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."

Thanks A Lot But Now What?

“How beautiful is youth! how bright it gleams with its illusions, aspirations, dreams! Book of Beginnings, Story without End, Each maid a heroine, and each man a friend!”
-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Youth is wonderful! Those dreams you hold are still considerable possibilities for you. You still have the blissful ignorance of truth and you deem nothing to be impossible. However, as you age and get kicked out of your parents house(some never do), you begin to find out the reality of your situation. You have to let go of little pieces of your dreams... I really wanted to be a superhero that could cure any sickness...okay that's not going to happen I will settle for being a world renowned doctor...okay maybe not world renowned...okay too costly maybe a nurse,that is still helping people...you know what I have a family now and I need to focus on my kids, use my savings for their dreams instead. With that another dream just died in one of the common everyday people of the world. Do not get too down though compromising(a pretty word for settling) is part of the world, it ensures that no one goes home being totally happy or satisfied, but it also ensures that no one go home completely obliterated and depressed either(that's the good part!).

I am currently at that point in my life where dreams are getting further from my reach.(Not that it ever seemed likely that I would touch them anyway, it is still sad though) I have no money for colleage and I no longer know what to do with my life. I considered being a nurse, but when I told my family they laughed and said I wouldn't be "good" for that career because it involves taking care of people. I suppose they know me best and I do not want to agree with them but I do not believe a pessimist will do a bang up job of cheering a sick person up. I am considering political science as a major, but come on politics and government and the economy might be fun to learn about(just a tiny bit), having a career in that field though would give me a headache and probably make my hair turn white early. ( I refuse to dye my hair) I have even considered more "advanced careers", like wind or computer engineering. I would have liked my job to be more active though which is why I considered nursing in the beginning. Sitting at a desk or staring at whirly machines every day for hours would drive me bouncy. I am bouncy and bubbly at my current job because I like it there or used to. The peope are fun and entertaining and it is more laid back. I get to move around when the resturant is busy and relax and maybe sit and clean or talk when it is not. My resturant is not very busy usually. I honestly though can not make a living off minimum wage at a fast food place(plus it gets creepy if I work there until I am 40). I wouldn't be able to pay off my colleage loans interest rate so by the time I got out of colleage I would owe a fortune. I would then live in a crappy appartment and work at a crappy job with a little bit better pay or probably more than one crappy job, while I desperately searched for a career in my field that would make my life and all my hard work worth something(to me at least). And that is it, there goes all my hopes and dreams out the window and into the heaping black hole that threatens to swallow our entire being each day we are alive. What is life for and why work this hard to achieve pretty much nothing. This question is better left ignored otherwise that hole can suck you in. The happy people ignore it, be like them, it is usually best.

Parasites? Love? Trust Me I Can Make Them Relate.

"A very small degree of hope is sufficient to cause the birth of love."

- Henri B. Stendhal

"It is difficult to know at what moment love begins; it is less difficult to know that it has begun."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Love is a horribly evil little parasite, that slips into you unnoticed. There inside of you it feeds off your life and happiness, growing bigger each and every day. You will notice it eventually but it will be too late for you my friend, while you were busy making googoo eyes at the object of your affection, it grew until it consumed your entire being now the only ability you have is to sit and watch while it runs its course(wreaking havoc and making you look ike a complete idiot, more in likely). I am not a total pessimist, parasites can be good... they adapt and evolve very quickly... they help the host adapt and survive (of course its only so they can survive too). I chose a bad analogy, love can be a good thing. My "love" however is a bad, very very bad thing. So I have to know when to rid myself from this gigantic burden, believe me this thing has had time to grow for a year as said before(ugh). It has been to the freezers and came out with a girl(on top probably:p), so I decide that they should be happy together. Which translates into I have to give up on all my hopeless fantasies and schemes(darn). WOW! I gave up on my evil schemes so easily, I guess I am that much of a coward and very undetermined.

Violent Delights

" These violent delights have violent ends,
And in their triumph die, like fire and powder,
Which as they kiss, consume."
Romeo and Juliet
act 2 scene 6

Tradgedies happen because someone wanted something and then fought to have it. They risked everything they should have held dear and did something out of the ordinary, something just a ittle bit crazy. Romeo wanted Juliet even if he did not know her and she wanted him for no other reason than it was love at first sight or lust at least. Now to hear about these occurences in novels or news are fine and dandy, you may even think that the creepy romantic escapades of the two were endearing and romantic, but truth be told, unless you are a little bit crazy(probably more), you would think it were creepy if some stranger came up to you with undying love in his eyes and a strange need to be with you until the end of eternity(vocalized by him). Of course, I believe that if you dial down the drama a bit it would be more realistic but drama is what makes a novel GoOd. So with that bit of philosophy in mind, I would like to inform you of my own violent desires. He has been my crush for about a year and I got to admit he is not at all an ideal person, but Romeo had his pitfalls too. Difference between a book and real life it the fact that I am going to do nothing about my crush, I will let it die. I know he thinks I am crazy and I know he does not care so if my life was a story,it would really suck.

StarGirl(code name) and I have been tossing around exaggerated plots for fun and she likes my idea of wrapping myself in a ribbon and appearing at the door with a note that says, "Take me for heavens sake before the cops arrive.". It is a mildly appealing fantasy, but again in reality it would definately come with a creepy undertone. Reality really does bite.

Sidenote: (It would be really embarassing if I got the wrong address, "sorry but this little present has someone else's name on it, don't be greedy now.", haha akward and I definately would not survive that little encounter.)